Even through all my doubts, i know how bright i can shine when i let go. When i let myself be fully in the moment, pure energy, and just being for the sake of being...That's when i don't hear the doubting, self-sabotaging voices in my head or at least not as loudly. I am my best friend most of the time and that is why i keep on creating for no reason but to create. My dancing brings me joy, pleasure, aliveness, sensuality, healing, and transformation, so i dance often just for me. My singing and writing helps me hear my own soul voice amidst the chaos of life and my jumbled emotions. My art organizes my mind, ignites my passion and stabilizes me. I do what i do because it's a powerful practice. It's not just a hobby, it is a necessity.
The truth is i have been trying to start some kind of " art business" for years now. I don't have a "real business" in the sense of making a financial profit yet, but i do have a business in a way because it is adding riches to my life in other ways. My art means business. My words are valuable energetically. You can't put a financial price on them but i can still sell them because i sell a message and that message depends solely on where i am at different times in my life.
This message though, at its core, is about humanness and soulfulness, it's about the power of love, self-love, love of others, connection, honesty, vulnerability, showing up imperfectly in your most authentic Truth and committing to your being, passion, and purpose.
I am committed to an enterprise and that enterprise is my own creative expression, my voice. My art if you will. I creat art. I am an artist. I don't always create beautiful art in the technical sense. Rarely if ever do i create anything flawless. But i create art none the less and i like it and it feels like my purpose to do it. So I keep doing it whether i get paid or not, whether i get adulation or not, whether i help anyone or not. Would i like to get acknowledged and get paid of course, would i like to help others absolutely. There really is no better feeling than helping others. Helping others is what is truly the most satisfying and meaningful part of life. But i will always find ways to help others in whatever ways i can whether it's through writing or not.
I will still write my books and make my art in all the ways i feel called to and even if no one is looking or listening i will keep on doing it. My art, my words will outlive me. I won't force it on anyone and i don't claim i'm the next Walt Whitman, but it's my inner honest dialogue and i know it's valuable to me, and i have faith that it will be for someone else. I may never be as popular as some, and though i would like to know my Truth is inspiring to others too, if i truly believe this is my calling, which i do, then i still have to keep going anyway regardless.
For now i lean on the fact that i inspire my own self and i have the power to get past my own self-sabotaging doubts and fears, admit my shortcomings, and get on with the show.