About a year ago I wrote a blog post called "Not Polished and at the end of the blog i added a video of me reading my poem/non-song song by the same name. This was before i had explored spoken word poetry. I'm just reading it in front of the video, but that alone was super hard for me to do. I called this phase 1 of "not polished voice expression". #Notpolished haha Otherwise known as the beginning of my journey to heal and share my physical voice(to more freely channel my soul voice) more openly. So i'm adding the video here too but without the original blog post. The Not Polished blog post can be found here
This video was recorded close to the Fourth of July. That is why there is fireworks going off in the background. ;) Sorry the video quality isn't very good.
I will write out the words of the poem/non-song song below the video.
*To be clear, non-song songs are the title I have given to what I create when I sit down at my piano (or guitar) and just play and sing anything that comes to mind. It lacks the structure and fluidity of a composed song. It is a way I use music to commune with my soul. I often write what comes up in the non-song song as lyrics or a poem.*
There used to be a strong voice inside me.
My voice would sing freely then. It was my bliss.
Somewhere along the way, i starting hearing her less and less. I started feeling shame around my voice.
I put up a wall from that strong inner voice and my own. My love, my beauty, my power, felt cut off then too.
As my strong voice became quiet.... i felt like i started to shrivel on the inside. All this time i have felt like a fraud not sharing my Truth. How badly i wanted to. What will it take now to bridge that gap? How can i connect my soul voice with my physical again?
What would my voice sound like if it was my soul? What would it feel like in full bloom? Could it soothe you? Could it heal you? She's not polished and free yet, but Can i find beauty in this place?
Shame came in like a thief and sucked the life from my voice and me. I am trying to reclaim that voice.
What would my voice sound like if it was my soul? What would it feel like in full bloom? Could it soothe you? Could it heal you? She's not polished and free yet. But Can i find beauty in this place?
Soul voice please come connect with me. let me be free with you. Right at the spot where fragility meets strength let me be. I honor you now. I'm letting my shame go. This body and this voice is in service to love.