Not Polished-the poem

About a year ago I wrote a blog post called "Not Polished and at the end of the blog i added a video of me reading my poem/non-song song by the same name. This was before i had explored spoken word poetry. I'm just reading it in front of the video, but that alone was super hard for me to do.   I called this phase 1 of "not polished voice expression". #Notpolished  haha Otherwise known as the beginning of my journey to heal and share my physical voice(to more freely channel my soul voice) more openly.  So i'm adding the video here too but without the original blog post. The Not Polished blog post can be found here 

This video was recorded close to the Fourth of July. That is why there is fireworks going off in the background. ;) Sorry the video quality isn't very good.

I will write out the words of the poem/non-song song below the video. 

*To be clear, non-song songs are the title I have given to what I create when I sit down at my piano (or guitar) and just play and sing anything that comes to mind. It lacks the structure and fluidity of a composed song. It is a way I use music to commune with my soul. I often write what comes up in the non-song song as lyrics or a poem.*

Not Polished

There used to be a strong voice inside me.

My voice would sing freely then. It was my bliss.  

Somewhere along the way, i starting hearing her less and less.  I started feeling shame around my voice.  

 I  put up a wall from that strong inner voice and my own. My love, my beauty, my power, felt cut off then too.    

As my strong voice became quiet.... i felt like i started to shrivel on the inside.   All this time i have felt like a fraud not sharing my Truth. How badly i wanted to. What will it take now to bridge that gap? How can i connect my soul voice with my physical again? 

What would my voice sound like if it was my soul?  What would it feel like in full bloom?   Could it soothe you? Could it heal you? She's not polished and free yet,  but Can i find beauty in this place?  

Shame came in like a thief and sucked the life from my voice and me.  I am trying to reclaim that voice. 

What would my voice sound like if it was my soul?  What would it feel like in full bloom?   Could it soothe you? Could it heal you?  She's  not polished and free yet.  But Can i find beauty in this place?  

Soul voice please come connect with me.  let me be free with you.  Right at the spot where fragility meets strength let me be. I honor you now. I'm letting my shame go. This body and this voice is in service to love. 

Night Sorcery Abounds

Here is a short video project my friend and i collaborated on. It's the first one we ever did and something i have wanted to do for a long time. We were just messing around with it to see what we could come up with.   A little creepy, but in a cool way i think.  It's a bunch of pictures put together to look like a video, like a motion picture book. That is why it is so choppy. I like it better than straight video, just for something different.  It was his creative idea for that and he put this all together.  It's supposed to be a little representative of the Goddess Kali energy. The words being spoken in it are a few lines from one of my poems. The song in the background is Awaken the Snake by Peruquois.

Here is the poem i wrote in it's entirety below:

Darkness yearns to let the light in dancing together to create new worlds

Swinging high, near my beloved trees and sinking back down forcefully yet gracefully towards the earth.  Concentrated expansiveness.  Sharp but not rigid.  My small body only an illusive shell to the seriousness of my soul.  

My fiery spirit, defying the borders of  my body soothing and surrounding with warm tenderness.  Connecting with the tones of the sun like harps in my cells.  

Thick tree roots gliding up my legs anchoring me with their breath.  I exhale to support theirs. They feel the gifts I possess.  In silence I hear their Truth.  I smile at it’s simple wisdom. Discovering it is my own now too.

My eyes focused like a beam through space and time, to where you are. Letting go of all self-conscious silliness, as I relax into being. Humanness aside I just glide smoothly, blissfully.

I am a ghost of now, paused in possibility.  My beauty outwardly silent and invisible but expanding within from my love.  I’m flowering from head to toe.   My femininity shifts inward, like a thick chord traveling through an ocean to the earths core.

I hold my hands up to the sky. Honoring the integrity of creation.  I pine for a kiss from the sun on my eyes. Blessed to be.  Just be another day.  A lust for all that is raw and honest, natural and strong.

Imperfection transmuted into just right. Gorgeous night.  I come alive for you. You are the dark Goddess protecting her light within.  Reflecting the light of God.

 Night sorcery abounds. The world  asleep as I pray and dance with you. Bursting with light like all the stars.  Our heart space.

My passionate gratitude for the moon is strong.  It is enough to override those who avert their eyes, unfazed and unmoved by her.  A dishonor we can absorb.

My ancient tribe still awake inside.  My desire seeping through my eyes.  Body bridging mind and soul like wild fire. Light as a feather, heavy as lead.  I surrender.